The Latter Half of 2014

My modest snowman collection, which I'm leaving up through the end of February

The last few months my life got caught up in a whirlwind.  Some of it was good.  My daughter played volleyball for a small team, and we spent August through October going to practices and games all over rural north Texas.  They mostly played small public schools, a few privates and a few homeschool teams.  One school was so small it wasn't even located in a town - just a building in the middle of some fields.

This precipitated lots of driving on my part, but as long as the drives are primarily rural, I don't mind. It actually is stress-relieving to be in the car and at the games, because there is nothing else you can do but BE there, all the other pressures and responsibilities of life temporarily melt away.  (As an aside, I took one of those little personality quizzes on Facebook, and one thing that rang true about myself that I hadn't previously thought of is that I am a very in-the-moment kind of person.  I'm not looking to move on to the next thing; I'm just happy being in the moment I'm in.  Which has its pros and cons.......).

There were so many things I wish I could have taken a photo of to show rural Texas to you:  oil pumps bobbing their heads up and down like some kind of dinosaur relics; wind farms; LOTS of cattle, longhorn and otherwise; LOTS of horses, too.  The trees are much less in number here than in the east of the U.S., but the ones we have tend to be low and spreading, majestic in their own way.  Rolling countryside, and of course, the big sky. Also, the little towns, often with a traditional square.  I enjoyed it all so much, which confirmed that I am definitely a small-town girl at heart.

I live NEAR rural Texas, but not really in it.  I personally live too close to what I call "subdivision hell", where huge look-alike houses completely cover their lots and are built so close together you could hop from roof to roof, and highways look like mazes and traffic jams are all too daily. There is beauty to be found there too, but getting out and away from all that was a balm to my senses.

Unfortunately for the blog, I had to enjoy all this rural beauty without any photos, as I was the driver and I was speeding down the highways (one nice thing about Texas is that you can drive fast, speed limits are sometimes 75mph!), and while the stress was less, there was still a volleyball player pushing me to get to our destination on time: no dilly-dallying!!

The volleyball season ended at the end of October in a national tournament in Springfield, Missouri.  My daughter, my two youngest sons and I went for a long weekend.  Her team won the title for their division in the tournament, which was very exciting and a great ending to the season.

I assumed things were about to slow down, but when we returned to Texas, life took another turn.  First of all, we had a very disruptive bug infestation, which was a major deal and I will talk about that at some later point.  Then, my husband needed surgery, which he had right before Thanksgiving.  He is doing fine now, but it was two months before he could eat normally.  The first couple of weeks everything had to be liquified, and I was glad I had the Ninja blender!  Then, right after his surgery, his dad's health, which has been precarious for several years, started plummeting. My husband did have good talks with him on the phone, but he couldn't go see his dad because he was still unable to travel.  Hospice was called in, but less than a week later his dad just went to sleep for a couple of days and then went on home to heaven.  This is actually what we were praying would happen.  We didn't want his dad to have to suffer in pain, and he was ready to go.

However, the memorial service had to be postponed until we were able to travel to Tennessee (and my sister-in-law who lives in Florida could travel), and my other sister-in-law who lives in Tennessee had a son who was getting married right before Christmas, so they rolled the wedding and the memorial service into one long weekend, the weekend before Christmas.  Like I've said before, these major life events are spread far enough apart that my two younger sons had grown again and therefore had no appropriate clothes to wear, so they got new suits out of the deal.  My daughter made herself a dress for the wedding, which will eventually get blogged, and I wore a lace dress  I made a couple of years ago.

There were many misadventures along the way and while we were there, which probably best remain unblogged (sometimes family stories need to stay in the family, at least for a few years;).  The two-day drive was grueling, and it was also sad because now there is only one grandparent left.  But it was good to see family - however briefly - and it was good to hear from so many people who had loved my father-in-law.

We wanted to be back home in time for Christmas, so we pushed through and pulled back into town about 2:30 p.m. Christmas Eve.  I didn't even go to the house.  I had them drop me off at the grocery store and then my husband came back and got me.  I rushed around Kroger (along with everybody else in town!) and grabbed stuff to festive up the holiday.  I went home and in about an hour made sugared pecans, peppermint bark, sausage balls, fudge, and some other stuff I can't even remember now.  Suffice it to say that I amazed myself, even though my family took it in stride!

Christmas came and went.  Uncharacteristically, we had wrapped most of the gifts before our trip East, we actually had outside lights up and our tree had been up since the weekend after Thanksgiving.  All that helped since we had so few hours to get ready to celebrate. I was also uncharacteristically efficient after Christmas: all the decorations were taken down and put away by New Year's.  I left the snowmen up through January February because they are cheerful and can be considered 'winter decorating'.  So far though this winter has been very cloudy and gloomy but snow-less.........

I do think we should consider hibernating during the winter.  Everything feels like a slog. Too much death in 2014 for me; too much grief. It is still a bit difficult to look at 2015 with hopeful eyes, instead of wondering what unhappy events lie in wait around the corner. Which is not a good attitude on my part, and not one I want to have!  This year I will reach the half-century mark, which is also daunting, mostly because I don't feel like I 'have arrived' or 'have it all together' or anything like that.

Thankfully, my hope is not in myself and my coping abilities or accomplishments, but in God who holds all things in His hands.  My desire for 2015 (and following) is to find joy in the midst of the uncertainty and the messes and the bumbling along of me in my life.  I want to enjoy my family, my home, cooking, making things, working here and there, gardening, friends, church, nature, etc. All these and more are good gifts, and "every good gift and every perfect gift is from above" - James 1:17."  There are good gifts every single day.  I want to have eyes to see the gifts and the Giver, and to let my heart be glad.

 "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24

"Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, rejoice." - Philippians 4:4 KJV

Postscript

A large rainbow that appeared over my neighborhood this past spring

It has been awhile since I posted.  I have to confess that for the last few years I have been feeling a bit squeezed by life.  Reading blogs by others (one of the most encouraging to me is Brenda at coffeeteabooksandme and if you haven't read her blog I 'implore you to exert yourself' and give it a try) and blogging myself has been helpful, but sometimes blogging itself gets squeezed out by life.  I have four boys and a daughter, all now teenagers/young adults, ages that bring with them a lot of relational, parental, emotional, and financial challenges.  I love them all to pieces, but I don't always know the best way to maneuver in these difficult waters.  Add to that the reality of aging/dying parents and the awareness of our own growth in years, job stresses, etc. and my husband and I looked at each other one day and said "This must be what a mid-life crisis feels like!"  Hmmm........

I appreciate so much your kind comments about my mother's death.  It is strengthening to have the support of friends.  I just returned from spending a week and a half with my siblings cleaning out my mom's house in Tennessee.  As an adult I have never lived in a house with a basement and often lamented that fact.  I am rethinking that now:)  Apparently, a basement is a place where you can just put all the things you don't know what to do with, and after 30 plus years in the same house.......let's just say my brothers became very good friends with the man who ran the dump!  We didn't get completely finished, but we made a good dent in it.  We each chose some things to keep (and I am now trying to fit my treasures into my house), and the rest will go into an estate sale.

We coped emotionally because the work just kept driving us forward.  We didn't have much time for meditation.  We boxed up the photos and decided that maybe next summer we will get together to go through them - there was no way we would have been able to do them this time.  My two brothers and my sister and I all get along very well, so while the task was difficult, the time spent together was comforting and relatively stress-free (I just realized I made a pun;)  We really didn't want anyone else to help -- it was a job that needed to be "just us."  We got to spend some good time with my dad and his wife as well, taking him dinner three different times.

There were some fun things.  My brothers and I stayed up late one night laughing at old photos:  all I can say is the 1970s and 1980s were not kind, style-wise......  My sister and I found our wedding dresses and prom dresses (all made by my mom).  Lots of things we had forgotten about.  But a lot of my mom's possessions (her "nice things") were acquired in the last 25 years, after we were all grown and out of the house.  The grandkids associated all the nice things with her, but my siblings and I remember instead the naugahide couch that we used for building forts and for sliding down the stairs on the cushions and things like that.  (For the record, I totally understand waiting until the kids are grown before having nice things because kids break things;)

There were other fun things.  Over the weekend I spent the night with two of my high school friends, and we had a wonderful time staying up til three in the morning reminiscing and catching up.  Also, another friend and her husband came and took me for dinner one night, and a fourth friend came by one afternoon and we spent about an hour catching up.

I thought I would have a little more downtime for memories and driving around significant places, but it was really too busy.  I did spend one night alone in mom's house (I flew to Tennessee, but my husband drove in the next week so he could pack my stuff up in a trailer and we could haul it back to Texas).  That night it was hard to go to sleep -- very, very seldom in my life have I spent the night in a house by myself:)  But as I lay there thinking about life now and life after death, I realized that the things that are the most solid, and most central, and most real, are God's truths.  When life's hard or sad or happy times come round, those truths will hold.  Sometimes Confessions say it best.  Here is Question 1 from the Heidelberg Catechism (1563):

Christian, what is thy only comfort in life and in death? 

That I, with body and soul, both in life and in death, am not my own, but belong to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ, who with His precious blood has fully satisfied for all my sins, and redeemed me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me, that without the will of my Father in heaven not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must work together for my salvation. Wherefore, by His Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me heartily willing and ready henceforth to live unto Him. 

Also, the words of Paul:

"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." - Philippians 1:21 (KJV)

Ponderings on Death this Mother's Day

View from my mom's backyard at sunset April 2014

I want to thank each of you for your prayers and comforting words since my mother's death before Easter. I have been the recipient of so much kindness these past few weeks, from many meals and other helpful deeds being provided for my family, to thoughtful words and prayers from friends I have yet to meet in real life.  It is a great reminder that the truly important part of life is relationships.

In our culture we don't have a lot of time set aside to grieve.  The funeral itself was a blur of making arrangements, greeting all the people who came to pay their respects, figuring out logistics of travel.  Then the next week my brothers and sister and I had to go right back to our regular lives.  In the old pagan days we would have torn our clothes and cut ourselves with knives, or more biblically maybe worn sackcloth and sat in ashes, refusing to eat.  Something.  Because this was a surprise event, we had done none of our grieving early.  I expect it will come when it comes, different for each of us, and we will each have to find a way to make a space for it.

Yesterday my first thoughts upon opening my eyes were about my mom.  It was the first time I actually let myself say to her "I miss you, Mom." But I started thinking about this Mother's Day and the sadness of it, and I realized for my mom it is a beautiful day.  She may be spending it with her mother, and her great-aunt, and her grandmothers, and her great-grandmothers, and on and on.  What wonder to look back through the generations and see the love and even the hardships that had a hand in our past. No longer bound by time and space, able to know and be known by Christ Himself but also by all the generational links back to the beginning of time.  Mind-boggling.

Some of my grief has been shamefully selfish.  I loved my mom, and I miss her for selfish reasons. So that I can tell her something.  So that I can call her.  So that I can hear about everyone else in the family that she kept up with. So that I know I always have a place to go home to. So that my children always have a grandmother who loves them. So that we can go thrift shopping together. So that I have my mother who always wants to give me a small gift. So that there is someone who has known me my entire life -- longer than I've even known myself. So that my mom can be the link back to her mom and her mom before her through all the stories that were handed down. So that my mom can make each new grandchild his/her own special quilt. So that my brothers and sister and I have a link holding us all together, no matter how far apart we are geographically.  I could go on and on.

So that there is at least one generation standing between me and my own mortality.  I have to admit to being shaken up about that.  My mom had had heart problems, but supposedly she was doing fine.  She was always a vibrant, healthy person, active, never overweight.  Her parents died in their eighties.  Her sudden death at 67 from a heart attack or stroke leaves little reassurance for me.  I can't say "if I just don't do this (whatever this is),  I'll be okay".  Her death feels arbitrary, and I guess it somewhat makes me - her oldest child, her daughter who is only 18 years younger than she - feel doomed.  I already have sucky genetics (high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.) against me on my dad's side.  Yes, I know that God has our days numbered, and there is nothing we can do to add or subtract from that, but this is where head knowledge and visceral reality meet.

I think maybe no matter how old you are when you lose a parent, you still feel like an orphan.  Both my husband (his mother died suddenly last year) and I are surprised to be without the safety net of a mother and her prayers and her "capableness," if that's a word.  I have to say that I don't think I could ever fill the shoes of either my mother or my mother-in-law.  At one year shy of 50, I still never feel mature or like I've got it all together, like I could be the matriarch of a family.

On one hand, I am feeling very grim and sober about this life.  Bad things happen, not just death, but other things too.  Even in these last few weeks, more troubles have headed my family's way. It seems like my forties have been too much about learning that, too much grief.

On the other hand, I feel reckless and extravagant.  Seeing how quickly life can be turned to death, I want to love my husband and children (and others), to actually be alive while I'm here, to put aside all petty annoyances and hindrances and to embrace all the good and the wonderful that also constantly surround me, whether it's watching baby wrens learning to fly or hearing my children laugh.

How to do that, and not be paralyzed by fear or dread.  Not a theoretical problem, but an imminently practical one.

One thing that has helped me.  I have had two very vivid dreams about my mother-in-law since she died.  The dreams were different, but in each dream the feeling was the same.  My mother-in-law was so happy, so joyful, light, almost giddy.  I've thought about that and thought maybe that's what we are like in heaven where we have no worries, no burdens, no fears anymore.  What will it be like to be totally free of fear and the cares that weigh us down, and at the same time know we are totally loved? One day we too will know.  It reminds me of the verse in 1 John 4:18 "...perfect love casteth out fear."

I want/need to wrestle with God through the Psalms, and I want/need to worship Him like Peter:
"Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life." John 6:68 (KJV)

Blog Absence

Dear Friends,

I've been absent from this space for a little while just because of life being a bit busy and overwhelming at the moment.  Sadly, I will be absent a little longer because my dear mother passed away very unexpectedly this Sunday.

It feels a lot like a repeat of my mother-in-law's death just over a year ago, except my mother was a lot younger.  No matter how old you are, when a parent dies you still feel like an orphan.  My siblings and I are very sad.

We are traveling this week for the services.  Any prayers are appreciated.

Thank you,

Angela

Under Pressure

Chemical Weathering of Limestone

Inside this mason jar a limestone rock is soaking in vinegar and is slowly disintegrating.  The rock started out much larger and very smooth.  (This is an example of "chemical weathering" for those of you who don't have a student in general science this year;)  I have been observing this rock disintegrate for several weeks now because it is sitting on the windowsill above my kitchen sink.

On the other end of the windowsill is a different mason jar filled with dirt, sand, gravel, and water.  After jostling the mess around for a day or so, the contents of the jar were left to settle and over time they settled into distinct layers.  Most of the sand is on the bottom, then a layer of gravel and dirt, then a layer of light sediment, with fairly clear water on top.

The Laying Down of Sediments

Sitting nearby on the counter is a bowl, which used to contain a big square of pristine steel wool. The steel wool has been transformed into its current state by nothing more dramatic than soaking in household vinegar for a few weeks (just like the limestone rock, a victim of "chemical weathering").

Chemical Weathering of Steel Wool

There was a time I tried to keep fresh flowers on my windowsill, and hopefully that time will come again.  But right now science experiments surround me, and in some sense they serve as metaphors for what is going on internally as well.  A lot of weathering, a lot of rubbing away of sharp points, a lot of transforming.

This fall has been a time of pressure in my home.  Five teenagers/young adults in the house is a lot of food and laundry to keep up with, but just as importantly, it is a lot of conversations.  Conflict resolution conversations, talking-someone-off-the-cliff conversations, listening-to-venting conversations, reassuring conversations, attempts-to-motivate conversations, crisis-avoiding conversations, temper-cooling conversations, faith-building conversations, asking-(and hearing)-questions conversations, late-late-night conversations, late-late-night-waiting-for-the-last-person-to-make-it-home praying conversations.

This has also been a time of increased academic pressure as everyone has more homework, more papers to get done, more decisions about the future to make, etc.  And some students are more motivated than others.....

Financial pressure has also increased this year, a combination of poor planning with some unforeseen and unavoidable expenses.

Plus, I am at the age where I am starting to have health pressures, both my husband and I have parental (our parents) worries, and there is not any one standing in line to buffer any of it anymore.....it's just us.  I have felt very squeeeeeezed.......why?  Well, I need a lot more wisdom, discernment, patience, hope, discipline, authority, energy, frugality, creativity, encouragement, perspective, endurance and love than I've got.

I think I have unconsciously been living my life under the delusion that things will get easier when (substitute whatever) happens, when a new decade arrives. That is not how it works (at least so far as I can tell).  Every season has its good  parts and every season has its hard parts.  Also, everybody's story is different; we don't all have the same burdens, nor the same joys.  It does me no good to compare my story to yours -- I am called to live MY story, and it may require different things from me than yours does from you.

Which brings me back to the limestone rock.  There is another way that limestone rock can change.  If, deep in the earth, it is subjected to intense heat and pressure over a long period of time, it can be transformed, or metamorphosed,  into marble, through a process called 'recrystallization.'  I am hoping that all this pressure will have this good result in me (and everyone else in my family), that the character of Christ is being formed in us.  It is certainly not something that can be seen on a day-to-day basis, but I hope to one day look back and think wow...the Lord has done something beautiful with all of these messy lives.

On my windowsill is one more science experiment:  a bowl of crystals that were formed by dissolving alum powder in water (you can get directions here).  Not quite diamonds and not quite marble, they still are incredibly beautiful. The same God who has power to change things on a molecular level has the power to change people on a spiritual level, bringing forth beauty and order and love and peace and perseverance -- all the fruits of the Spirit -- from people who once walked in darkness.

Alum Crystals

Squished behind all the science experiments on my windowsill is an index-card stand.  For a long, long time the only verse written there has been John 16:33.  Every time I would think about changing it, I would think No, I still need that verse.  I finally feel like I can add another verse, one that has been hanging around my thoughts for awhile, to remind me that God is able to do so much MORE than all that we ask or think:

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end.  Amen" -- Ephesians 3:20-21 (KJV)

Family Business

Above the entrance to my living room (it used to hang on my in-laws' porch)

Most of the month of June I spent east on extended family business.  My mother-in-law passed away back in January and my father-in-law is now in assisted living, but all their stuff was still sitting in their house and needed to be dealt with.  Part of my business was getting together with my two sisters-in-law to go through my in-laws' house and get it ready to sell.

The three of us spent an intense week camped out at the house with virtually no contact with the outside world: no TV, no internet, no radio, no newspaper.  We each had our own bedroom where we stashed our loot and slept.  Other than that, we worked hard -- everything had to be gone through -- every drawer, every nook and cranny -- if you've done this before, you know, but this was my first time doing something like this.  However, I am hardly ever in a situation with no distractions (i.e. no kids and no husband), so I was hyper-focused like a machine, I tell you:)

I was a little apprehensive going in, not knowing how everyone would handle things emotionally, but we all got along great and despite the grueling nature of the work we had a good time together, laughing at some of the funny things we found.  My mother-in-law was a "prepper" from way back, so we found many packets of carefully wrapped bandages hidden in the eaves of the attic, books with titles like "Are You Radioactive?", and we emptied out probably 50 containers of civil defense water that had been stored in the garage.

We divided up everything that we could, but in the end it was impossible for three already-full households to incorporate the contents of a fourth house.  Some things had to be sold and some had to be donated.  Plus we (my immediate family) had to rent a trailer to haul everything back to Texas so I tried to take only what we really wanted or could use (although I did get overriden on a few things).  Here is a sampling of some of the treasures we came home with.

This dry sink was the one piece of furniture that my husband was sentimentally attached to, mainly because it had just always been in his parents' home.  This is now in our living room underneath one of my husband's paintings.

The piece I chose was this primitive buffet.  I love these more primitive pieces for myself:)  This is on the wall near my dining table.

I have not found a good place for everything we brought back (nor did I get to make all the decisions about what we brought;) -- this treadmill is still in the middle of the living room.

This little bench makes me happy because it reminds me of my mother-in-law.

As does this little scene painted on a board:

My father-in-law (who has never been known as a handyman) made this stool for my diminutive mother-in-law before they were married.  I thought it was so sweet, we had to take it even though the women in this house are more Amazonian in size.  You never know, there could be a tiny daughter-in-law in my future;)

My mother-in-law loved signs with little sayings on them.  It seemed appropriate to hang this cross-stitch above the pull-up bar;)

Let me leave you with this last sign (which is still searching for its permanent location):

I thought about correcting this and adding an "s", but this is another thing that makes us laugh, and it's a good reminder that even on those days when you can only think of one, one still counts:)

Easter 2013

White irises in my backyard

It's hard to believe that Easter has come and gone.  We had a good day.  We colored eggs on Saturday, went to church on Sunday, we had friends over for lunch, and the rest of the day relaxed.  Although there were Easter baskets, there was no hiding of eggs, and it struck me that there will probably be no more hiding of eggs around here until some future time when little grandchildren will be present.  It's a little poignant to think that era of life is over for me....

However, this Easter was made extra special because earlier in the week my youngest son had met with the elders of our church and professed his faith in Jesus and his desire to become a communing member of our church.  So Sunday he joined, and this past week all my children stood with me and we all took communion together for the first time.

As a mother this was a very happy moment for me.  I, like probably every Christian parent, asked that the Lord not give me any children that would not love Him and be His.  Is this the end of having to worry about and pray for my children?  No, of course not.

I have a lot of children teenagers/young adults, and there are many, many things I worry about for them and about them.  Often that is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.  There are many dark things that my children have already had to walk through, and many more to go I know.  There have been hurtful things done and foolish choices made.
Hard things have had to be dealt with, and will have to be dealt with, as long as we live here in this fallen world.

I have absolutely no confidence in my abilities as a parent, either.  However, my confidence rests in the word of God, which says this:

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:"  Philippians 1:6

And also this:

 "...for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." 2 Timothy 1:12

For now, I rejoice in the resurrection.  Light has overcome darkness; Life has swallowed up death and sin, and will continue to swallow them up until they exist no more.  Alleluia.

Travel Tips for Large Families

The red Globus bag is the toiletry bag

Because this past year involved so much traveling (I estimate I traversed at least 10,000 miles) I thought I would post a few travel tips.  These are especially for those of you with large families.  A smaller group may have different ways of doing it.

I, however, have a family of seven, none of whom are small (only one is still shorter than 5'8", and I expect that in the next couple of years he will have surpassed that height as well).  Because of our large number and size and small budget, most of the time we are driving, although we have had one occasion that involved us all flying and then renting a car.  I did make one flying trip alone last year when I stayed with my mom.

These tips are in no particular order and are not hard-and-fast rules, but things that over the years I have found (oftentimes the hard way) to be helpful.

TIP #1:  Each person should have his/her own suitcase.  It is also much better if those suitcases are carry-on size and have wheels.  That way EVERYONE, no matter their age (or lack of it), can be responsible for their own luggage, they actually can transport their luggage without personal strain, it will all fit in the back of the car (if you are driving an SUV, which you probably are if you are hauling around seven adult-sized people), and if you do fly you will pay no extra fees for checked baggage.  It is SO much easier to keep organized if everyone has their own bag.  When traveling by car, I do pack one extra bag just for toiletries.  When flying, you will not have that luxury.

TIP #2:  This applies to car travel:  Everyone needs to have their own filled water bottle.  Desperate situations can be avoided by having water available to drink.  It does need to be water; anything else can leave a sticky mess in the car and doesn't truly quench thirst.  The water bottles can be refilled for free at rest stops, restaurants, and hotels, so make sure everyone has one.

TIP #3:  Keep some extra blankets in the car so that people who are cold can wrap up while people who are hot can still have the air conditioning on (you WILL have both types of people at the same time and they WILL complain simultaneously).  Also bring a few pillows.

TIP #4:  Pack lightly, but pack at least one thing you can wear to something dressy (think:  church clothes).  My kids also always pack a bathing suit just in case we get to stay at a hotel with an indoor pool.

TIP #5:  Choosing a hotel:  if possible, choose one with an indoor pool and free breakfast.  If you are a large family, that free breakfast will save you a lot of money (and time).

TIP #6:  After eating your free breakfast, only stop for snacks at one of your gas station breaks.  Eat only one big meal a day when you are on the road.  This way you will save time, money and calories.

TIP #7:  Audiobooks are great for long car trips, provided you can find something your whole family will enjoy.  We listened to almost all the Harry Potter books that way.  Otherwise, expect people to be listening to their iPods, etc. with occasional group listening going on.

TIP #8:  Bring the following medicines:  ibuprofen(for headaches or fever), benadryl (just in case for allergies), dramamine (for motion sickness), TUMS (for stomach upset), a few bandaids (for cuts).    Also, keep a canister of wet wipes in the car, along with a couple of plastic bags for trash or wet clothing.  At some point you will need all of these things.

TIP #9:  Don't forget chargers for your electronics, money, keys, sunglasses, prescriptions, eyeglasses, etc.  Think about what your family needs for this particular trip.

TIP #10:  This is not necessarily a travel tip, but make sure everyone in your house has something in their closets they can wear to a wedding or a funeral.  When my mother-in-law died, we actually had to go shopping for clothes for my four sons.  They don't normally have to wear anything dressy, and because they are all different sizes and are always growing, they had hardly anything appropriate to wear.  As the seasons change, check your family's wardrobe and take care of this BEFORE you have to.

TIP #11:  That many related people in that close quarters for that many hours (in our case, usually 18+) will NOT get along that whole time, so expect there to be some bumpy times and a few meltdowns.  This is why I do not want people other than my immediate family in the car with us -- every once in a while we need to be free to yell at each other.

TIP #12: This may only apply to my family, but before you leave the house, check to make sure everyone has shoes (see here for what can happen if you neglect this tip).

Traveling is a lot of work, but my whole married life I have had to do it because we've always lived far away from our families, and we do the traveling at least 95% of the time.  I will say it gets a little easier as your kids get older (we no longer have to make sure we stop at a playground, for instance), but it's still hard.  To be honest, getting ready for a trip actually makes me feel sick because there is so much to do.  But once we are finally on the road, I relax. In fact, I am usually happy because my family is all together under one (car) roof.  We've certainly made a lot of memories over the years.

I hope you find this list helpful.  And if you would like to add some tips of your own, please do so.

The Long Winter

Painted by my mother-in-law's mother

I am lounging on the bed writing this.  I am the last of my family (of 7) to succumb to 4 - 7 days of fever, cough and sinus pain.  I don't know what to call it, I don't think it's technically the flu but it wipes you out.  Thankfully, everyone else is better now except for me and my youngest, who is still hacking today.  It's amazing how tired just lying around makes you feel......

The month of October my mother had emergency heart surgery and I went east to stay with her for her first week out of the hospital.  In December my family had a couple of weeks when the stomach bug went round.  This month of February has passed in a fog of illness as well.  Neither were too serious, but they do put a damper on things.  And sadly, the month of January was marked by the unexpected death of my mother-in-law.

It has been quite a shock to us all and really we haven't had a chance to process it.  Though Mary (her name) was the oldest of the grandparents at 84, in many ways she was the most alive and vibrant of them all.  We had just seen her at Christmas, where she was sweeping up our muddy footprints before we had much managed to enter the house (she was a true Mrs. Thomasina Tittlemouse;)

Only a couple of weeks after we had returned to Texas, in mid-January (on my oldest son's 21st birthday) we got a call that she had died in the night of a massive heart attack.  How we immediately had to get ready to leave on a two-day drive is for another post, but we got there.  It was bitterly cold and somewhat surreal, as I suppose a funeral for someone who dies suddenly always is.  After all, they were there themselves only a few days before.  

Unfortunately my father-in-law has been really frail these past two years, and it was very clear that he could not remain in their home alone.  Nor did he want to move to Texas (or Florida, where another child lives) so he that week had to move into an assisted living facility. (My husband has one sister who lives nearby, but she was already taking care of HER mother-in-law).

Even though it is a nice place, all these events understandably have been very stressful and disheartening to him.  So many changes in such a short time.  And again, no one (not even my father-in-law, who is the ultimate planner) was prepared because everyone thought that Mary would outlive him.  No one even considered the reverse.

Because of all the major decisions that had to be made, I think no one has had time to properly mourn my mother-in-law yet.  She was a feisty lady, very petite and very beautiful even in her eighties, VERY opinionated and outspoken:), sometimes very funny and mystifying, but she loved her family very much. I was the only daughter-in-law, and because of that I can say that I was her favorite one;)

I have known Mary for almost 30 years myself, and yet she was older than I am now when I met her.  I remember the first time I was ever in her house.  At that time it was one of the largest houses I had ever been in and beautifully decorated.  She loved her home, and she had the gift of order (which I admire but definitely do not share).  Her home was never sterile, there were always magazines and books to read and snacks to eat, but I could always count on it being its same orderly self, as it was even this past Christmas.

She also was a wonder with geraniums.  It is a little amazing to me that her geraniums live on when she herself is gone, but my sister-in-law has promised to give me some cuttings when I go back this summer to help sort out the house.  I know this is a common feeling, but how bewildering it is that the world just keeps on going when someone you love has been absolutely removed from it, leaving such a hole in your own family.

Mary is a Christian, and I do think of her now in heaven.  I imagine she has a cottage with a flower garden overflowing, and I can't wait to visit her when I arrive in that beautiful city.  I figure that if Jesus in His resurrected state spent time visiting with friends, eating with them, breakfasting on the beach, etc.  then we too will have these sorts of experiences in heaven.  He said Himself He is going to prepare a place for us, and why would there be streets unless we will be walking up and down them visiting one another?

"In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also." -- John 14:2-3 KJV

Christmas Wrap-Up

The month of December slipped by in a blur of sickness, so that I felt like there was little more than a week to prepare for Christmas festivities.  The only goodies that got made were chocolate covered pretzels and sausage balls.  The peanut butter balls and coconut balls will have to wait for another special occasion.  No outside lights got put up, either.  But we did have our tree, and as I've said before, for myself I prefer the grinchy look, so the tree was well-adorned in round, colored lights.

Our stockings also were hung with care.

After months of parched conditions, a deluge, accompanied by thunder and lightning, erupted the night of Christmas Eve.  An empty five-gallon bucket on our back patio was filled to overflowing with rainwater by Christmas morning!  Despite Christmas morning beginning with a rainy 50 degrees, by early afternoon we had this:

My three youngest in the front yard

A White Christmas is truly a magical gift.

View from the front door

Here are my sheep, Mocha and Latte, who enjoyed the snow a lot more than they enjoyed the rain.

This is the most picturesque my backyard has ever looked:)

The stockings were pushed to the side to make room for a cozy fire.

The next day we had to make a two-day road trip east to see family.  My older two stayed behind to work. The rest of us drove through an entire day of this:

Along the roadside in Arkansas

It truly looked like Narnia, so beautiful and surreal, and the roads were perfectly clear ---- until we got near Little Rock, Arkansas.  There they were so treacherous--cars were in the ditch everywhere -- that an 8 hour drive turned into 12 hours.  We found out later that parts of Arkansas got 10-15 inches of snow.

Anyway, we made it to see our families.  I hated to leave my older boys behind, but I think they were glad to miss the four days cooped up in the car.  It ended up being good visits with everyone, though sleeping was another issue;)

Now I am home and trying to catch up on everyday life, which has included absolute mountains of laundry and a general cleaning out of closets and drawers.  January does push us to make a fresh start each year, doesn't it?

Mountain Fun

Lower Falls at Graveyard Fields

We didn't just stay in town during our time in North Carolina.  The other great thing about Asheville is that it is near all the fun things to do in the mountains.  The above waterfall was at Graveyard Fields off the Blue Ridge Parkway.  The pool at the bottom was icy-cold but my youngest was bravest and jumped into the pool off the rock!

These next pictures are at Sliding Rock, near Brevard.  It's a natural waterside that dumps you out at the bottom in another icy-cold pool.  I had been here with my church youth group about 30 years ago (!!!!).  Remembering how fun it was, I really wanted my kids to do it.  They of course had a blast.

Number Five coming down

Lots of other people (of all ages, including grandparents) were there, too -- you can see a little bit of the line on the left -- but it was quick-moving, not much of a wait at all.  To me this was way more fun than an amusement park (and a LOT cheaper:  $1 per person for as much sliding as you can do).

Numbers Three and Four zipping down

Just a mile or so down the road from Sliding Rock was Looking Glass Falls.  You could do some swimming there too, at no cost:)  If you look in the distance there is a person getting close to the falls.

And that adventurous soul who had to touch the waterfall is my daughter!

On our way home from our water adventures, we passed this beautiful field of elephant ears and canna lilies.

These elephant ears were nearly as tall as my eleven-year-old!

I was sad my older two sons weren't with us, but they were manning the house and pets and jobs back in Texas.  They were not sad to miss the hours and hours cooped up in a car, and they enjoyed keeping their own schedule (playing music and dribbling basketball in the house until 2 am!).  When we got back to Texas, the house was reasonably tidy and everyone was doing fine.  Although I miss all the green, I always am glad to get back to my OWN house, and I was glad to have the family all back together after being scattered for a month.  Is this how you feel after a trip?

Visit to Asheville

In late July my two younger sons (13 and 11) and I drove across the southeastern U.S. to be with my husband and daughter for my husband's last week of study leave (although not much studying took place that last week).  This makes twice this summer I have driven by myself with the kids across the southeast, and four total trips when you add in the return journey.  Pshew!!  

This was the first time the two youngers and I had done anything like this, but for the most part the journey went remarkably well.  On the way we spent one night at a hotel in Memphis, one night at my brother's home in East Tennessee, and on the third day we drove into Asheville, N.C., where my husband was house-sitting for a friend.  The house was right in town, so it was a very convenient location, and my husband had almost made himself a regular at a neighborhood diner in three short weeks.

Asheville is in such a beautiful location in the mountains of western North Carolina, only an hour and a half or so from where I grew up.  I love, love, love those mountains so green.  Asheville is very, very artsy and self-consciously diverse.  Think Austin, if you're in Texas.  The downside to that is there is lots of occult and new-agey stuff going on, and everyone's opinions are in your face.  The plus side is all the emphasis on craft, from foods to beers to textiles to pottery to art to music. Part of this is that the southern Appalachian area, for all its reputation as backward, has also been a hotbed of creativity.  Perhaps this is because people had to make do with what they had versus buying the latest and greatest; I don't know.  I do know I grew up in an area where lots of people made things.  And all the variety of expression is a breath of fresh air compared to all the architectural and stylistic homogeneity of much of anything new where I live in Texas.

(Disclaimer:  all the pictures in this post were taken by my husband, not me.)

These gorgeous beehives were in a backyard garden that was visible from a street bridge near the diner my husband frequented.

Here's a wider view of the actual garden.  Everything was so green.  It rained almost every single day in July.

These are all pictures of colorful homes in a beautiful neighborhood just across the bridge from where we were staying.  I love all the colors and the variety, not just in the houses but also in the landscaping.

Wouldn't you like to peek inside some of these?

Almost all of them had wonderful porches.  I will say the mosquitoes were pretty terrible, so unless you happened to be smoking a big cigar, I'm not sure how long you would be able to sit out there.

This was just one small neighborhood out of many. The downtown was also very vibrant.  Then there was a section down by the river that had been converted to artists' studios which are open to the public.  It was a pleasure and a privilege to walk through and see the artists at work.  One of the studios we visited was Hofman Studios, where we admired Michael Hofman's beautiful porcelain wares.  Much of it is imprinted with vintage lace patterns.  I had to exercise great self-control not to run my hands over each piece in his gallery (although actually Mr. Hofman encouraged handling, to show how durable the porcelain is).  The art there just seems more accessible.  By that I mean it makes me feel like I want to get in there and make stuff, too.

I wasn't the only one that felt that way.  So did my husband.  He met two artists at Broken Road Studio, Stephen St. Claire and Phil DeAngelo.  They both do fantastic work, and they graciously invited my husband to come and paint with them.  I brought a painting from Texas that he had been working on before he left, and he took it down to the studio, where Phil gave him some pointers.

Here's the painting as it is now:

We really enjoyed our stay in Asheville, pretending we were locals.  Sometimes I think that's the best way to enjoy a place, don't you?

Treasures from Home

My sifter belonged to my great-aunt Mabel

On our recent trip to visit family in Tennessee, I drove.  In case you were wondering, it's about an 18-hour drive, and yes I take two days to do it.  I am too old to drive that far in one day, especially with a car full of teenagers:)  We have flown before, but the cost of seven plane tickets is prohibitive, and then there is still the problem of transportation while we are there.  The other problem with flying is that I can't bring anything back with me.  Since this time I did have the car, I was able to bring back some treasures.

My mom had offered me these pink dishes before, but I had declined to take them, mainly because there is not enough of them to go around for my large family.  But after thinking about it, I decided I could probably add to them through some antique shopping, either locally or via ebay.  I changed my mind and asked if the offer was still good (it was:).  The large dessert or cake plate and the six small serving plates that match it belonged to my great-grandmother (my mother's maternal grandmother).  She died when my mom was ten, so I know her only through family stories.

The dishes are very faintly pink pressed glass, very pretty in person.  They are not particularly expensive and may have been something that came as a promotional item in oatmeal or flour containers. The cookie jar and the goblets were picked up by mom at thrift stores here and there, but she gave them all to me as a set that goes together.  The cookie jar has a broken lid, but I think it can be glued back together.

She also gave me these two glass serving pieces, one square and one for deviled eggs, and this cake dome, which will definitely come in handy to keep flies and greedy dogs out of the treats.

Finally Mom gave me these two cast iron skillets.  The larger one is the right size for making cornbread.  I already have one but I wanted another so that I could make two loaves of cornbread at the same time (necessary to keep everyone happy).  The tiny skillet is just about worn out -- if cast iron can wear out -- but it belonged to my granny (my mother's paternal grandmother), who I did know because she lived until I was 27.  Little skillets like this are good for frying or scrambling an egg or two, and it's always fun to use something that once belonged to someone you loved (or who you would have loved if you could have known them).

And switching over to the other side of the family, these lovely jars of homemade goodness were made by my husband's sister.  She not only let us stay with her during our visit but sent me home with these goodies.  She is a terrific gardener and chicken keeper (and cat and dog and goat keeper, too), and I'm looking forward to enjoying these during the coming year.

It is so nice to visit our families and have little exchanges of treasures, especially since we don't see each other often.    I usually take my mom and sister books I have read that I think they'll like, or toys or games my kids have outgrown that younger cousins might like, or clothes that don't look good on me but might on them, stuff like that.  

It can be good to have tangible reminders that there are people -- even though we live far apart (some as far apart as heaven is to earth:)  -- who love us and think of us despite the distance.  This knowledge helps keep us -- me -- grounded, helps me remember that yes, I am part of a larger group even when I am tempted to think I'm all alone. I think that's how it is with God, too.  Even though He is not physically visible to us, He sends us tangible gifts to remind us that He loves us and to comfort us and to nourish us on the way.  And to remind us that we have a heavenly home and family waiting.  And someday we'll actually be home -- after all, that's where we are headed.

River views from a park near my mom's house

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." -- James 1:17 KJV